Today was a rather odd morning... Second time I've had a dream like this. should mention that I have a habit now... where a lot of my meditation happens during the process where I fall asleep, while I'm asleep, and then once I wake up. Well enough of that though, here's to it:
So today I woke up at around 5 am. Lately I've been pretty dispassionate and lazy, so while in the past I would have gotten up and started reading the Vasistha's Yoga or gotten fresh air I tried to head back to bed. meditated a bit while I was at it and then I woke up at around 6:30. Meditated a bit to fall and fell asleep again though the humming in my head was getting loud, it's not necessary tinnitus though as it comes and goes + its rather relaxing; though lately it's been consistently there. I experienced a few pops, and feelings of nice warmth; I expected it to be some channels opening but I soon fell back asleep, to wake up at around 7:30. Now the weird part has already started. I'm really unsure whether the dream started after 5 am, 6:30 am, or 7:30 am. I suspect it to be 7:30 am but It's really hard to say, all I know is that it started at some point without me noticing.
This process of me having energy sensations and then falling asleep kept happening, with the humming getting louder and louder. Though at this point I was focused on "in bed" meditation and was no longer checking the time. However, It seemed like I was making really quick progress... lots of loud pops especially around my face that felt very satisfying. I remember one in my throat, that after it happened, it felt like I could finally breath. So I ended up spending a bit basically meditating, wasn't falling asleep much anymore though it still happened. This was still just really exciting as I seemed to be opening up a lot of channels.
At some point after a pop under my left eye and then one under my right eye, my vision cleared up and became abnormally sharp. At this point I heard a voice in my head tell me, "We'll continue in 20 hours". It seemed like a guardian spirit of some sort, I had been trying to manifest one irl but hadn't noticed any signs so it was exciting to hear this. This also explained for me why I was making such quick progress with opening channels and so on, as I was obviously having some outside help. So I finally get out of bed, and I start walking around. Go through the process of my mom starting the morning with an insult... talk to my older brother, then deal with my younger brothers. All seems to be going normally and soon I start eating breakfast but then my head starts to feel heavy and I wake up. I find myself back in the bed, feeling that I was actually asleep... I think huh I guess I'm ACTUALLY awake now. So I start going through the process again of my morning, talking to others a bit but its different this time; not too much just a bit. The same heavy-head feeling hits, and I wake back up in the bed. Now I don't know how many times this exactly happened, but what I can say is that I can't even remember how many cycles I could have possibly went through. But effectively everytime I kept feeling that I had finally woke up and started to go on with my day.
During one of the loops, instead of getting out of bed, I meditated more and started contemplating "infinity". Don't know how long I spent like that, though after some time, I somehow realized that something wasn't right. And in doing so the loop activated again. But this time I was aware of it, and I immediately started looking for clues/panicking. Though I ended up almost forgetting as my youngest brother started being a real bother with the process + I got caught up in playing around with my sharp vision. However I quickly realized again, but I seemed powerless. I didn't know what to do, and the loops kept getting shorter and shorter leaving me with less time. I tried memorizing objects, etc, anything to get back to my real reality; which at this point I thought to be immediately after that voice said "we'll continue in 20 hours". I had completely forgotten this world per say and was now try to return to a world/identity that was just a dream. Finally at some point the idea crossed my mind to try asking some people on daobums, or even calling a spiritually advanced friend. At this point I tried to call a friend of mine, and as I was pulling up their contact on my phone, it struck me that I didn't actually have their number; yet on my phone screen it said I did. I thought for a second where that memory came from and then woke up. It was 8:30 am, none of the meditations seemed to happen as my vision was still the same though it clearly felt like they still happened to me. It took me a bit to acclimate myself, as irl felt strange and alien. After collecting them for a bit, I realized I had completely forgotten about this world, and gotten lost in another dream.
First I fell into that dream... then became attached to it through making the experiences of pleasure (progress, excitement) and sorrow (annoyance, despair, etc) mine. And because everything seemed "real" I thought it to be real. The progress, the people, experiences. Looking back at it now, It still seems real, I can't see how it was just a dream... Because of this, part of me feels scared and frightful that I could have fallen into a coma, yet I'm also starting to see what that dream was saying.
Effectively, This world is nothing more than a dream; its reality built upon the chains of sorrow and pleasure, and caged in with memories/mental conditioning. Like each loop resetting us back, so is Samsara; whereupon our time has diminished, the next cycle begins and conditioning from past loops (cycles, lives) carries on. Is this utter non existence? All this seems like a dream, all beings being of my creation, yet I take on the notion of this egotistic I and forget my original nature. I get lost in the dream that I created...
I'm still processing what this dream means to me... but it was a very interesting dream to share. I imagine I'll have more in the future just like it. I kind of even want to explore dreams like this more for I know that once I understand it; I'll be one step closer to wherever I need to be. Though I'm also a bit scared; in both cases I could see the ignorance coiling around me leading to the possibilities for a coma in this world.
I suspect one of the following: some being/entity is helping me wake up from these dreams and maybe trying to invoke them for me as a learning experience as without that "looping experience" I would have fully believed that reality to be mine, I'm waking up through my own realizations like missing memories though that seems somewhat unlikely... as the memories didn't really seem to do much other than point the way out, or these are just normal dreams making the play of the minds. Though in both cases, these dreams have felt extraordinarily long but end up really only taking a few hours at most, to even 30 minutes at least.
What's left after this dream is that I can't really see existence as real anymore. This world seems like a dream, though the intensity of that feeling changes throughout the day. Generally just don't know what to do from here though, it seems time will reveal that.