At this point my life feels to busy to plumb such depths.  I'm still a Human Doing.  But I am getting better. 

After running a recycling business for 20 years, I didn't like the look of my face.  My eyes seemed wary, my brow too furrowed.  Maybe brought on by too many calculations and worries.  That face helped me decide to sell the place, move on, slow down.

As much as I dither about whether to say it or not, fact is like many of you here, I had a profound 'awakening' a few years back. It has continued to unfold, sometimes at the bewilderment of my little mind. That personality, like a piece of driftwood in a massive ocean, has been tossed around many times over.

There was a time when I wanted to "get something" -- to wake up, to be free, liberated etc. But the realization came that there was no one there to be liberated. No one was asleep really. 

And still the motions are being gone through. There seems to be  a difference from before though...a lack of fear -- of the unknown/of consequences. 

Recently (before covid-19), I went through a phase where the only part of the 'outside world' that was able to cause me consternation was my spouse and my responsibilities which seemed to force me down a course of action that was unpalatable. It was a good 4-5 days of angst -- until I realized that that too was a mental position. Whatever action had been unfolded for the little me (and the little mine), was going to happen exactly how it was meant to happen. 

This Samsara is a constant companion, teacher and school rolled into one 🙂 

There seems to be little need for words but in the absence of being able to see your smiles, share a beer (or a joint), I guess they're all we have here. 

I can relate to so much of what you are all saying. 

The experience of awakening, the dropping of doing, the persistence of patterns, the exhausted face looking back at me in the mirror at one point. The confluence of paths. All of these things have been alive in me. Our current situation is bringing so much up. There is terrible suffering but also so much opportunity. 

I've been hoping to study with a Bön teacher from Nepal who was going to teach on a wonderful subject in France, the 21 Nails of dzogchen. I knew I wouldn't be able to visit France this Spring and then Covid caused the teachings to be offered on Zoom. So now I'm finally getting to attend his teachings! Someone asked if our objective should be resting in the Nature of Mind "permanently" on the dzogchen path. It brought up such a good and important point. Exactly what manitou describes. Even expecting to always be connected to the absolute, free from troubles, is a form of extremism. The samsaric drudgery is real and is a part of us as long as we are human. Liberation is not the absence of our trials and tribulations but our ability to embrace them, side by side with the blissful times, with a sense of warmth, and openness.

For me, the pandemic is highlighting so much wasted time and energy in my life and bringing up so much gratitude and enthusiasm for the simple things. Tonight is the first night of Passover. I can't be with my parents, my brother, or my son (working in a Fedex warehouse), but I can be with my wonderful wife and daughter. We couldn't find a lamb shankbone for the ritual Seder plate (we don't eat meat anyway) so we substituted a bone shaped dog treat which the dogs got to share afterwards. We couldn't get any horseradish, another longstanding tradition, and substituted chopped collard greens. It turned out to be a more meaningful experience for all of the minor inconveniences and absences. And to be celebrating Passover during an actual plague is quite a trip. 

Anyway, it's really good to be with you all. 

May the Angel of Death pass over all of our houses in the coming months.

The Sage is in the world, but not of it.

My practice is my life.  It is my presence.

There is no longer even a practice to speak of...

only presence and life.

Perpetual unfolding in awakening and presence.

Awakening never arrives, it is (for me) endlessly unfolding in presence.

such bliss!

Posted by: @silent_thunder

Perpetual unfolding in awakening and presence.

Awakening never arrives, it is (for me) endlessly unfolding in presence.

I deeply resonate with this and this is, in fact, my practice precisely. And there was a very distinct and transformative experience of Awakening for me but it was simply that, an experience in time and space, both like and unlike so many experiences. Like others in it’s finite aspect, unlike others in its lasting impact on my perspective and choices. And there have been many other experiences of a very direct connection to pure and unbounded spaciousness which is perfectly clear and unstainable. During those times, whatever comes up has nothing to attach itself to and just vanishes like a snowflake on a pond. But far more often is the closed, focused movement of thought and emotion. And my dance is to embrace it all. For me, continuing with formal and informal practices is so very supportive and nourishing! I feel deep gratitude for all the gifts I’ve been given. Including my connection with all of you.

Posted by: @steve

And to be celebrating Passover during an actual plague is quite a trip. 

Can't miss the irony on this one.  I was scheduled to go see the Oberramergau passion play in Germany in June.  In 1632 during the plague, the town prayed and prayed and asked the lord to please spare the town, in exchange for they would put on a passion play for the lord every year.  I don't think the lord spared Oberramergau for the most part, but I guess they didn't want to tempt fate by welching.  They started doing it yearly, until they didn't.  They do it every ten years now (every year with a 0 at the end) and people fly in from around the world to see this incredible spectacle - the whole town is the cast of the play.

Only to have it shut down 400 years later.  Because of a plague.  You can't make this stuff up.

My current experience towards realization has been very similar. At one point I was worried that I wasn't meditating enough or doing things right. Nothing seemed to be progressing... Then suddenly the world started revealing itself and things started making sense without effort. It was a wonderful experience that taught me I have to create nothing, everything I'm searching for is already there, and will always be there. Its beautiful to know that there is no rush in this matter; if not this lifetime then the next, and so on.